I've finally done it

I'm booked in for a small "procedure" to have this nasty little son of a bitch removed from my arm. It's something I have wanted to do for over 12 months and I have wussed out everytime. I am not posting the removal photos here until AFTER I get it out because I already made the mistake of googling that once before and I do not need more to freak me out. I am already crapping my pants enough.

It's come time now that the damn thing has expired. And it's causing havok! I'm not sure if it's responsible for the weight status at the moment but it's sure as hell responsible for the fact that Aunt Flo has come and gone a bagillion times in the last 6 or so weeks.

I'm NOT looking forward to the return of monthly visits. I generally end up sick for days beforehand, & during, vomitting and SEVERE cramps that have put me in hospital before. However I'm not interested in putting contrceptive rubbish in my body anymore either. This may change after my first "real" un implanon supported visit but for now this is my stance.

I started putting weight on when I had the implanon inserted. And it's been a hard slog to get it off. PLUS I'm not going through the removal nastiness and freakouts again.

Let's see if I make it to my appointment on Tuesday night. Are there any bets?

15 / 84

Well today got totally wasted by some stupid courier who never showed up. Don't you love hiring tradies / couriers / whatever and they give you a timeline that they will arrive at your abode. Normally either 8am - 1pm or 1pm - 5pm.

Either way unless you PLANNED on spending your day waiting for the doorbell to ring it's all stuffed.

Today we were waiting on a courier to arrive sometime between 1pm and 5pm. Guess who no showed? SO ANNOYED! There is so much other stuff to be done than wait for them. Luckily we had some things to do around the house but I would have loved to go out just down the street. For a walk. Or to go buy the dog food (They aren't impressed when you don't feed them)

As you all know I'm on a diet of shakes at the moment but right now I am craving salt badly. I would love some chips or even the chicken sausages that Mum cooked the family for dinner. I'm never keen on sausages so to have such strong cravings for me is very very weird.

But ultimately I have to stick to whats working for me and right now that's the shakes so no sausage for Jadey (get your minds out of the gutter my fiance is interstate)

Talking about whats working - today is weigh in day no. 2

I am very happy to say the scales this morning rewarded me with a weight of 121.3 kg which is 5.6kg down on my original weight. 4.4% down. WOOHOO. I can't complain about that now can I? The big losses don't happen always and forever.

I'm only 1.4kgs away from my first reward of a pedicure (I hope I can handle the massage by then) And I am hoping to have it down at the Hot Springs in Rye while my Mum has a Massage I bought her for Christmas. I love the Hot Springs - I definitely want to go down there before I go home, just in the baths. MMM SO relaxing. If you haven't been - do it!

Only 10 sleeps until Jason arrives for the Dutt0n Rally. I miss him like crazy - I'm not up to shooting it with him and thankfully we have someone else coming down to help. Michael helped us with the easternats so it's nice to know we can rely on somebody to help us when we need it, he's a brilliant photographer.

9/84

I am NOT KING SHIT. I am not some invincable dieting weight losing goddess. I need to work hard to lose weight and yes eating shit WILL hurt me this once. I really need to drum this shit into my head.



It's like winners syndrome or something. You are successful and you are happy with your result so you get your trophy then you go out partying with your trophy. "I'm good" you say to yourself. "Look at the results I just acheived". ""Check my shiny trophy" "Oh go on enjoy yourself, have a beer, drink a tequila shot or two it wont hurt you just this once."

Then you wake up shitfaced two days later having shared your personal bits thanks to a mastercard priceless ad featuring yours truly you now stink and you are suffering consequences that "weren't" going to affect you this once. You missed the next game and your chances for the finals are over. OOPS

No I didn't go and get smashed in the last two days. (Although my 4am facebooking probably suggests otherwise) But I did look at the weightloss I had acheived yesterday and I let my food and habits slip a little. I was lucky I maintained my weight at 122.6 kg today but to maintain that weight again tomorrow would only be by some sort of miracle. And apart from that maintenance is not the goal - WEIGHT LOSS IS!

Geeez I am an idiot sometimes.

I also think food makes me grumpy! Like really snooty and depressing! I get some seriously strong cravings for shitty food and I bcome a really stroppy, sad, sooky, tantrum throwing tart if I don't get what I want. And I don't just mean with the food! God forbid if I knock the remote to the floor from the side table I mean HOW MUCH SHIT CAN ONE GIRL TAKE? Honestly - Even I know this is pathetic but at the time it seems like my whole world is going to cave in.


I think I need to stick to the rules - I am also going to pack up the shit I am not supposed to eat and make the parentals hide it from me. They hide the chocolate (which I know is here somewhere) so they can hide the mueseli bars and toast and other yummy things I would succumb to before having my shake like I am supposed to.


For goodness sake - all this and I'm not giving up the smokes like Miss Nicky. You are a total champ babe! Keep up the great work.

7/84

WOOHOO I am so glad I have logged on now to find that my iPhone blog worked . I had doubts being my first time and all but all that typing wasn't wasted :)

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!!!

I hope all you Mummy's out there had a fabulous day. I have heard stories of disasters and of spoils. If you have lost your Mum I hope your day was filled with fond memories of special times you have spent with her.

I did end up asleep before midnight last night which was good. However in the cold weather despite waking up quite early I went back to bed until lunch. (Yes I am bad and I didn't do brekky in bed for Mum) Mum and Dad were out to church and when they came home we headed out for lunch as the local chinese restaurant and dessert at the pancake place next door. Same one I went to on Thursday night.

It was very yummy. I was very full. The chinese was healthy the pancakes not so much. But we did share the pancakes so I didn't have a full one.

I don't think eating this crap is any good for me though cause after we got home I got grumpy. Bad food leads to craving more bad food and sometimes I have the most childish attitude. I really really want scones with jam and cream. There are two ads on TV at the moment highlighting beautiful scones with Jam and Cream. One is Foxtel and the other is Home Brand. Honestly it is bad for dieting people to have this thrown in their face all the time.

I tried to cook some beautiful soft poached eggs to have on toast. Pulled them out at the whites weren't cooked properly - put it back in for 10 seconds and the yolks were hard. Boy did that upset me. Dad had eggs on toast for dinner cause I was going to feed them to the dogs. I only like soft yolked eggs and I've never mastered the art of cooking them myself. So I was off pouting again. I don't even need any more food. So I decided to stop being a little bitch and sit on the couch and blog instead.

Well first I went through Facebook and deleted a whole pile of people. People I am wondering why are they on my facebook? I hope I haven't accidentally deleted any of the wrong people haha.

TV is again BORING so again I am off to bed to read my book and get in an early night. I would say Mum and I will be back in the rumpus room sorting things out tomorrow.

122.7kgs this morning. If I gain tomorrow (which is official weigh in day for me) then meh so be it - the chinese and the pancakes will do that to you. But I am hoping to maintain or lose a little more. The goal was 122kgs.

5/84

Well apparently yesterdays pancakes didn't hurt me too badly. 123.3kg today.

I don't really have much to say today. I dunno why.
I have had this really powerful depressive feeling. It's made me really sad, short and emotional. There's absolutely NO reason for it so I'm hoping it passes overnight.

I need some de cluttering tips please! What do you think is the best method for selling unwanted items? eBay, trading post, thursday trader, market stall, carboot stall. What do you bother selling and what do you chuck? Can you really sell almost anything (as long as it's in good condition) ??

I need to help Mum get this house together - today she's depressed. I need Domestic Blitz or Second Chance or something to come in here and give us a huge hand. We seem to be chasing our tail with getting this place ready.

Post Surgery Musings

Well I got my cast off! Yay!!! Oh my goodness. I never knew how hard it would be to cope post op. I never realised how annoying the cast can be and I'll be honest I was pretty lucky. It didn't stink and it didn't itch too badly. The last couple of days it was starting to itch crazily.

When he pulls it off you can see there's two casts on there. Excuse the hairy leg you can't shave under the cast :P





It was damn heavy in the end and very uncomfortable though. It kept going soft and had to be reinforced which in the end left me with about 15kg of plaster uncomfortably hanging around my ankle. If the surgeon didn't take off the cast when I went to visit I was going to ask to have it off and restart by shopping around for a fibreglass cast which is a lot lighter and stronger.

I have a couple of weeks before I start physio and at the moment I am doing little tiny walks with crutches. By little I mean TINY it takes me 10 minutes (without exaggeration) from couch to toilet which is probably 15 - 20 metres. And doing that once or maybe twice per day is my maximum. Both for walking and for my poor shoulder which is still giving me hassles.





It's a little bruised looking but it's ok.

You know what I have learnt here though? I asked questions of my surgeons in relation to weight loss and having the surgery and was told weight wasn't going to be a problem. Anaesthetics aren't like they used to be you know. Your weight doesn't really make that much difference blah de blah blah.

Well if I had of known the struggles I would face being over weight post surgery I would have made a much bigger effort to get it off beforehand I tell you.

Not only was using crutches hard (which as we know with the previous injury quickly became impossible) BUT it all started before the surgery. I was given a gown, hat, booties and paper undies to wear into surgery.

The paper undies barely made it above my knee! I told the nurse I'm keeping my own on cause they don't fit. I thought the paper undies were embarrassing but having these bulky paper undies not fit was even more embarrassing.

The sponge baths in hospital while appreciated had me very self conscious about my fat arse even in my drugged state. I even felt sorry for the poor nurses who had to deal with such a sight.

When it came time to move anywhere and do anything that presented it's own challenges. Do you know how hard it is to lift 127kg? It's not light. Even regular weight lifters would call that hefty. And to get anywhere you need to lift yourself. Lift yourself out of wheelchair to toilet and off. Off and on couches. Getting in and out of bed, in and out of cars. EVERYTHING.

When it came time to using a wheelchair (I've had two now) My thighs are so big they push out the armrests and rub on the wheels. I look a little like a big sausage stuffed into a little sausage skin. I am so big it's hard to control and push a wheelchair especially when your thighs are on fire from the rubbing and the person pushing is dealing with the resistance issues.

(Who is this girl and how did she get so fat?)

When it came to using scooters I had to check the weight ratings. I had to leave the arm rests up because they lift by themselves otherwise. I just don't fit! I would get into tight spots and the scooter would fit through and my hips would brush on whatever we were passing.

Even now - My weight is causing more pain than necessary while I am trying to relearn to walk.

Doing this again - it's time for me to get serious. It's time for me to get as much weight as possible off before going into my next ankle surgery. I also recommend to anyone looking at having any surgery to take whatever measures to get it off before your surgery despite what your doctor says.

Well I'm off work through all of May and I'm out of leave so that sucks badly! The bills don't stop just because you do and I wish I had planned better to cover myself but I think I'll be OK. Maybe. I'll call Jason LOL.

PS According to my latest weigh in, I'm down 2.9kgs to 124kg. At least it's begun.

Get your own graph at skinnyr

Blogger is being an arse and wont upload photos so there's a couple of vids but check back in a little while for piccys.

Not A Lot to Blog About

It's funny you know. The one time in the last 2 years that I have had plenty of time to blog and go on about whats been happening in my life and keeping everyone up to date also happens to be the time that my life is led from a chair in my loungeroom so there generally isn't all that much to blog about.

This week I have spent alot of time in Bloglines catching up with everyone else's lives and finding out what's going on around the grounds. Geez there was months and months worth of blogs to catch up on there.

We borrowed a friends BRAND NEW wheelchair to help me get around a bit further and the poor thing is a mess! One of the wheels is just plain stuffed. They put the centre bolt in backwards, the spokes clink on the nuts and it feels like the brakes are on so that's going back where it came from for a swap over.

I'm very happy that the local shopping centre allows loan of their electric scooter so I have been out on a few short shopping expeditions. I had my nails rebalanced and organised a couple of things for myself. I am still struggling badly with the crutches. Making it from couch to toilet is a workout and a half and leaves me breathless.

I was really frustrated with it all yesterday because I was thinking back to when this all began for me and I was at the height of my fitness levels. 82kg, learning to run and lifting quite heavy weights. Then I hurt my ankles for the final time, this time they weren't going to heal.

IF I'd have had surgery straight away instead of going through more than 6 months of physio and all the mess and fuss before the MRI which showed I needed surgery. If' I'd paid for the surgery or never let my insurance lapse. Life would be so much easier for me now.

Not only would I be much fitter, both in cardio fitness and strength but I would also be 45kg lighter than I am now. And I can only guess that trying to lift 45kgs less every step (crutch, hop, whatever) would be alot easier too.

MEH! Ah well all the what if's in our life cannot control us.

I really have to start getting this weight off when this cast comes off and I can move again properly too. After all there's a white wedding dress in my future and white is unforgiving!

Today I went out to the Mornington Bridal Expo. I'm not getting married down here but I went to check it out for some ideas and happily I came away with one. Actually I think it was only one. But still it's just what I was looking for and had written out something similar in my little notes section on my phone in the middle of the night a coule of nights ago so I'm happy.

I also think my original ideas for colors etc are tearing apart and changing quite dramatically. Our wedding date is still unset because we will be paying for this ourselves and I have no idea how to set a budget and figure out how long it's going to take us to get that money together.

Although my ING account has just had it's first monthly deposit titled "wedding savings" which made my heart and my tummy flutter with butterflies.

The only thing I am sure I want is the location for the wedding, BUT I may find a stumbling block in actually having it there. (It's a national park with paid entry at the gate) It's a stumbling block I'm fairly determined to get around though. I people just have to pay the $11 per car to attend I'm sure they'll get over it and that gets me around one problem.

Storm is so happy to be down here. She spends all day playing with Trigger. They love to play tug and Trigger has a variety of ropes, an old bed and even balls they play tug with. They seem to pat each other all the time. Storm was a bit scared at Christmas time when we came down because in 6 short months Trigger had grown from baby puppy size to bigger than her. Bit of a shock! But Storm is still the boss. Trigger could easily outdo her but Storm barks and Trigger is a sook so she backs off. Trigger is scared of everything, and apart from when she first see's you and takes flying leaps at you (50kg at a full run and jump hurts you know) she's gentle as anything, just a big boofhead.

I have thought of a couple more things to add to my 101 list. (See link in side bar) And I think it's time to update the list of blogs I read. If I haven't commented on your blog or if you want me to drop by your blog make sure to leave me a comment.

I hope you are all doing well. Any tips for getting comfortable with a cast on (especially when it comes to sleeping right now) would be greatfully appreciated in my comments box. Hell just leave me a comment if you are reading along!

PETA

January 10, 2008

Death Toll Up To 17,400; Report Describes PETA's Deadliest Year Ever

WASHINGTON, DC

An official report from People for The Ethical Treatment ofAnimals (PETA), shows that the animal rights group put to death more than 97 percent of the dogs, cats, and other pets it took in for adoption in 2006. During that year, the well-known animal rights group managed to find adoptive homes for just 12 pets. The nonprofit Center for Consumer Freedom (CCF) is calling on PETA to either end its hypocritical angel-of-death program, or stop its senseless condemnation of Americans who believe it's perfectly ethical to use animals for food, clothing, and critical medical research.

Not counting animals PETA held only temporarily in its spay-neuter program,the organization took in 3,061 "companion animals" in 2006, of which it killed 2,981. According to Virginia's Department of Agriculture and Consumer Services (VDACS), the average euthanasia rate for humane societies in the state was just 34.7 percent in 2006. PETA killed 97.4 percent of the animals it took in. The organization filed its 2006 report this month, nine months after the VDACS deadline of March 31, 2007."Pet lovers should be outraged," said CCF Director of Research David Martosko. "There are thousands of worthwhile animal shelters that deserve Americans' support. PETA is not one of them."

In courtroom testimony last year, a PETA manager acknowledged that her organization maintains a large walk-in freezer for storing dead animals, and that PETA contracts with a Virginia cremation service to dispose of the bodies. In that trial, two PETA employees were convicted of dumping dead animals in a rural North Carolina trash dumpster. In Southampton County, Virginia, another PETA employee will face criminal charges in a dog-napping case. Andrea Florence Benoit Harris was arrested inlate 2006 for allegedly abducting a hunting dog and attempting to transport it to PETA's Norfolk headquarters.

"PETA raised over $30 million last year," Martosko added, "and it's using that money to kill the only flesh-and-blood animals its employees actually see. The scale of PETA's hypocrisy is simply staggering."

The Center for Consumer Freedom is a nonprofit coalition supported by restaurants, food companies, and consumers, working together to promote personal responsibility and protect consumer choices.

PETA'S 97 Percent Death Rate - PLEASE DONATE TO HELP KILL MORE ANIMALS

BTW I expect this will offend some of you I know are PETA supporters. But lets take it both directions. I'm a massive animal lover and I refuse to condone actions like the above. This makes me mad as hell! There's no ethics in this group besides their name.

Anyone who's interested can also see watch Penn & Teller Bullshit where they have focused in on PETA below.